What God has joined together

UNIT 3 QUIZ

Name: ____________________

1. When Jesus discussed the marriage covenant, He made no reference to marriage as it was affected by the _______ of _____. . . .

Marriage finds its foundation and definition in the __________ of ______, and its ultimate explanation in the __________ of Christ and

the redeemed church.

2. In Malachi 2:14, the marriage relationship is specifically called a __________.

3. Jesus chose a unique word to describe marriage as that which God _____ ________ __________ (suzeugnumi). In the New

Testament, it is only used here and in the parallel passage in Mark 10:9—where the same words are stated.

4. The Lord depicted marriage as a willful consent of the man and woman to yield themselves to be ________ by _____ into a

covenant with one another.

5. A mere human wedding can no more ________ a marriage than a mere human vow can ________ a soul.

6. The Biblical marriage covenant must be based upon the ____________ __________. Only through the covenant of God can mankind be

redeemed. And only through the covenant of marriage that is based on the covenant of God can human marriage be redeemed.

7. Through redemption, the marriage covenant enables married couples to enjoy once again the joys of an earthly relationship

patterned after __________.

8. In contemplating marriage, every couple should ponder the question: “Why did God covenant to redeem man from the curse of sin?”

No verse in Scripture better explains this awesome question than ___________. The answer to the question “Why?” is ______.

9. The covenant of marriage must not be patterned after the _______. It must go back to the ________ ______________ before being

cast out of Eden.

10. Love is a word that is not easily ____________ by the Western mind-set. This is illustrated by the many ways the word is used

in the English language. People say: “I love my wife”; “I love my house”; “I love my car”; “I love my dog”; “I love my God.”

11. But the Greek language was not so. Three different words expressed the depth of human and divine devotion: _____, ________,

and _______. These three words were used to express three different types of love.

12. In an adult, pure eros love is the love of _________: while adulterated eros love is the eroticism of _____________.

13. The sexually-explicit society of Western civilization has often degraded eros into ______________ ___________.

14. Phileo love could be called the love of the ________. Indeed it is the root of the English word “filial” which is closely

related to the word family. Phileo is a _________ love.

15. Even as pure romance is born with ______ love, Biblical marriage must be birthed with ________¬ love.

16. The romance of the ______ must grow into the shared responsibility of the _________. The romance of the ______ must grow into

the shared responsibility of the _____. The romance of the _________ must grow into the shared responsibility of the _________. The

romance of the _____ must grow into the shared responsibility of the ______.

17. Agape is an unconditional covenant love of ________.

18. Pure agape love enables redeemed humans once again to experience the ________ of the Garden of Eden in a covenant of marriage

relationship as pure as the love of the _____.

19. Many men and women fall into deadly error by basing their concepts of marriage on the _______ pronounced by God on the first

couple after they had succumbed to the temptation of Satan.

20. Commentators have agreed since the earliest days of the church that _______________ is the beginning of all those Old Testament

references that look forward to the coming of Jesus and the gospel of salvation.

21. Many men—as well as many women—interpret this curse as though it was intended to be the norm of the Christian home. They simply

do not understand that, as believers and children of God, Christians have been __________ from the curse.

22. Marriage as designed by God is a picture of perfection that brings great ___ to the ____.

23. The marriage of Paradise was never designed to be an institution in which the self-esteem, dignity, joy, beauty, and personhood

are swallowed up in a ______ _________ ________.

24. True Biblical marriage does not condone a ___________ husband.

25. Biblical marriage is that part of Paradise that continues to be _______ _______ in the hearts and homes of redeemed couples.

PSYC-220 Assignment 3.1a MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELING 1
UNIT 3 HANDOUT
PARADISE:
THE BIBLICAL MARRIAGE COVENANT IS FOUNDED ON THE BEGINNING
The Pharisees asked Jesus: “Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?”
(Matthew 19:3). His answer referred back to the marriage covenant in Eden at the time of
Creation.
And he answered and said unto them, Have you not read, that he which made
them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a
man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall
be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore
God has joined together, let not man put asunder (Matthew 19:4-6).
Notice that Jesus made no reference to marriage as it was affected by the curse of sin. Instead, He
indicated that the Biblical marriage covenant looks all the way back to the beginning. Marriage
finds its foundation and definition in the Paradise of Eden.
In order to understand how marriage today can indeed be like Paradise, two very important truths
must be emphasized. First, for a marriage today to be like Paradise, the marriage itself must be
redeemed from the curse of sin. Then, second, in order for a marriage today to be like Paradise,
the marriage must be based on the Covenant of Eden.
A. BIBLICAL MARRIAGE MUST BE REDEEMED FROM THE CURSE OF SIN
Jesus clearly defined Biblical marriage in terms of “the beginning.” Biblical marriage is a
covenant relationship that was established by God while Adam and Eve were in the Garden of
Eden. Many men and women fall into deadly error. They fail to recognize this important truth.
They base their concepts of marriage on the curse pronounced by God on the first couple. But the
curse came after they had yielded to the temptation of Satan.
Genesis 3:15 says: “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed
and her seed; it shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.”
In the next verse, God pronounced the curse upon the woman. God said to the woman: “I will
greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in sorrow you shall bring forth children; and
your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
God placed the curse on the woman and man because of their sin. Many people interpret this
curse as though it was intended to be the norm of the Christian home. They simply do not
understand that, as believers and children of God, Christians have been redeemed from the curse.
PSYC-220 Assignment 3.1a MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELING 2
The curse itself contained the hope of redemption. Genesis 3:15 is the beginning of the Old
Testament prophecies of the Messiah. These prophecies look forward to the coming of Jesus and
the gospel of salvation.
The curse of sin has no more place in marriage than in the life of the redeemed believer. Paul
explained this redemption to the Galatians.
Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it
is written, Cursed is every one that hangs on a tree: That the blessing of Abraham
might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the
promise of the Spirit through faith (Galatians 3:13, 14).
Nonbelievers have not experienced this wonderful redemption—it comes only through faith in
the cross of Jesus Christ. Consequently, the marriages of unbelievers will always be troubled by
sin. They will often be filled with the ravages of the curse.
Believers, on the other hand, have been redeemed “with the precious blood of Christ” (1 Peter
1:19). Believers rejoice in the promise of the Spirit. They have the privilege of experiencing a
marriage relationship that is based on the redemptive freedom of the Garden of Eden. Believers
do not have to continue under the cruel bondage of the curse of sin.
We will consider three truths which distinguish a marriage of Paradise from a marriage that is
still under the curse of sin.
1. True Biblical marriage is redeemed from the curse of sorrow.
2. True Biblical marriage does not distort the wife’s desire toward her husband.
3. True Biblical marriage does not condone a domineering husband.
So, let’s consider the first truth which enables a Christian couple today to be able to have a
Paradise marriage instead of a marriage that is based on the curse of Genesis 3:15.
1. True Biblical marriage is redeemed from the curse of sorrow.
God pronounced a deadly curse of sorrow on the woman because of her sin in the Garden of
Eden. He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; in sorrow you shall
bring forth children; and your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you”
(Genesis 3:16).
Notice that two times God said that the woman would be cursed with sorrow. In the curse on the
man, God also said: “In sorrow you shall eat of it all the days of your life” (v. 17). So, three times
God specifically said that the woman and the man would be cursed with sorrow.
The basic meaning of the Hebrew word for sorrow is to “carve” or “fashion.” It is much like
what happens when an artisan carves a statue or a figurine. So the ultimate purpose for sorrow in
the Hebrew language is good. The sorrow is designed to create the finished work of an artist.
As Jesus said to those who believed in Him, “Your sorrow shall be turned into joy.”
PSYC-220 Assignment 3.1a MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELING 3
But sorrow also has a negative sense. The carving, shaping, and fashioning create stress on the
object being formed. Consequently, sorrow, in a negative sense, means “worry, pain, hurt or
anger.”
The word sorrow, then, is a word with good results when describing the work of the hand of a
creator. But it carries tragic consequences when it is describing what happens in the life of an evil
person. It becomes more like a dagger in the hand of a murderer than a scalpel in the hand of a
surgeon. Its intended use becomes distorted.
This is the sorrow of the marriage relationship when it is distorted by sin. Marriage as designed
by God is a picture of perfection that brings great joy to the soul. But when sin enters, marriage
distorts into a mutilated mess. Sin brings sorrow upon sorrow. The pain of travail and childrearing magnify the wife’s sorrow in the

relationship. The husband’s sorrow is compounded by
the demands of the soil and the labor in providing for his family.
This multiplied sorrow of sinful marriages wreaks havoc in unredeemed lives. This chaos can be
statistically quantified in America today. The most dangerous place in this country today is the
home. The home is where the majority of murders occur in the United States.
However, God never intended the home to be a “place of sorrows.” Jesus defined marriage in
terms of “the beginning.” So He confirmed that there is hope for marriage through redemption.
The sorrow which was distorted by Satan from joy into pain and suffering, can be restored to its
original perfection.
Through redemption, marriage is fashioned anew by God. Biblical marriage does not have to be
full of sorrow. It is possible to have a marriage of Paradise today that is not cursed with the
distorted sorrow of Genesis 3:16. Through redemption, marriage moves past the curse of sin and
into the joy of Paradise.
Now let’s consider the second truth of redemption that transforms the marriage of believers into
the Paradise of the beginning instead of the curse of Genesis 3:15.
2. True Biblical marriage does not distort the wife’s “desire.”
The second part of the curse upon the woman was: “and your desire shall be to your husband”
(Genesis 3:16). In the beginning, Adam and Eve had a mutual desire for one another. But sin
deformed their holy desire.
The woman’s pure desire metastasized into a fantasy of a perfect prince who could do no wrong.
Sin blinded her eyes even to his most glaring faults. This perverted desire is what causes an
intelligent woman to deny that her alcoholic husband ever gets drunk or that his drug use is an
addiction.
In its extreme form, this distorted desire causes a cowering wife to remain in an ungodly
relationship even when the children are abused and her own life is threatened.
PSYC-220 Assignment 3.1a MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELING 4
The basic meaning of the Hebrew word desire is, “to flow fully.” But the desire of the curse is
much like when a gentle stream is fed by a violent storm. That gentle stream then becomes a
raging river.
 It sweeps away all within its overflowing path.
 It makes no distinction between good and bad.
 It breaks out of the boundaries of the banks.
 It haphazardly becomes a destructive force of nature.
 No longer is it a gentle flowing river.
 No longer does it bring life and pleasure to those along its path.
This is the distorted desire that the curse of sin brings to an unredeemed marriage.
A woman’s desire should truly be towards her husband in a healthy manner. The marriage of
Paradise was never designed to be a cursed institution. God never intended for self-esteem,
dignity, joy, beauty, and personhood to be swallowed up in a sick distorted “desire.”
Such a distorted desire of the wife for her husband is not what God intended when He brought
Eve to Adam in Eden. God created the marriage of Paradise with a mutual desire of both
husband and wife. He created the man and the woman to rule over their domain in a harmony of
royalty that would give full expression to both of their pure desires.
In the Song of Solomon, this desire is beautifully portrayed in the words of the loving wife for
her beloved: “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me” (7:10). Such a Paradise marriage
is still possible today. But it can come only through the power of redemption from the curse of
sin.
That brings us to the third truth of a redeemed marriage which goes back to the beginning of
Paradise.
3. True Biblical marriage does not condone a domineering husband.
The third part of the curse of God upon the woman because of sin was expressed in the words:
“he shall rule over you.”
The Hebrew word for rule is a strong word. It means to rule in the sense of dominion, power, and
authority. This is the Scripture verse that often is wrongly used out of its context. It is misused by
many scholars, theologians, and other sincere Christians. They ascribe the word “ruler” to the
husbands of homes today.
The clause, “he shall rule over” the woman, is quoted over and over again—as though that is the
normal way that God designed marriage. It is wrongly used to support various degrees of male
authority and dominance in the home.
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However, these words also were part of the curse. They came to both the man and the woman
because of their sin. They were never used in the relationship of the Garden of Eden.
Jesus defined marriage as being founded on “the beginning.” He described marriage as a Paradise
relationship. Such a marriage of Paradise is far superior to a domineering rule of force that
resulted because of the curse.
This interpretation of male dominance in the home—which is based on the curse of sin—has
done great damage to many sincere Christian families. It has given an almost carte blanche
license to high-tempered husbands. Violent men shamefully treat their wives more like cheap
chattel than cherished gems. It has aggravated the spirit of “male dominance.” This is the “spirit
of the curse” that has been so prevalent in the secular world throughout the course of history.
Furthermore, this contortion of the curse has also affected wives. It has caused many fine
Christian women to yield themselves over to a husband with an ungodly spirit of male
haughtiness and control. They put up with sinful spite and abuse. They wrongly think that it is
their “wifely duty” to obey every whim and word of a domineering husband.
Their natural and holy desire for a marriage like that of Paradise has been distorted by the curse
of sin. The edifice of Eden has become a home of hell. Only redemption, love, and forgiveness
can transform such darkness of mere existence.
But Jesus pointed back to “the beginning” for His definition of marriage. He totally ignored the
types of marriages that are based on the curse. God placed the curse on the man and woman
because of their sin.
The Biblical marriage covenant of Paradise: (1) Is not cursed with sorrow; (2) Does not distort
the wife’s desire; and, (3) Does not condone the husband’s domineering rule. This is the true
Biblical marriage that has been redeemed from the curse.
Now, let’s move to the second truth which must be emphasized in order to have a “Paradise
marriage.”
B. BIBLICAL MARRIAGE IS BASED ON THE COVENANT OF EDEN
In Malachi 2:14, the marriage relationship is specifically called a covenant. The prophet said:
“She is your companion, and the wife of your covenant.”
After stating His definition of marriage, Jesus said: “What therefore God has joined together, let
not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6). Jesus chose a unique word to describe marriage as that
which God “has joined together.” This word also indicates that marriage is a covenant
relationship.
This unique word for “join” is a compound word.
 The prefix sun is “a primary preposition denoting union with or together.”
PSYC-220 Assignment 3.1a MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELING 6
 The second part of the word means a “couple” such as “a team of oxen yoked together.”
This analogy is poignant. Oxen do not place a yoke upon themselves. The concerned owner
personally designs the yoke to properly fit each animal.
Jesus, then, defined marriage as more than merely a covenant between two individuals—even
though, indeed, it is that. But the Lord showed that marriage is a willful consent of the man and
woman to yield themselves to be placed by God into a covenant with one another.
The marriage covenant is as binding as the yoke placed by the farmer upon a team of oxen. The
covenant relationship binds the man and the woman “to walk together.” It remains until the
Master himself removes the covenant-yoke.
Biblical marriage, then, is a covenant relationship for life.
 It is put together by the Master Creator himself.
 It is as binding as the covenant that God made with His chosen people.
 It is never to be broken.
But, in a practical application of marriage today, this question needs to be asked. How can a
marriage covenant be like the covenant of Paradise? The answer to that question is twofold:
first, it must be a covenant of redemption; and, second, it must be a covenant of love.
1. True Biblical marriage is based on the covenant of redemption.
Some argue that marriage today can never be compared to the marriage of Paradise. They insist
that sin makes it impossible for us to ever have such an idyllic relationship. They say we can’t
have a Paradise marriage in a sin-cursed world.
In a natural sense, this is true. We can never simply “work on our marriage” until it grows into a
paradise on earth. Fallen man can never regain the joy and purity of the Garden of Eden by his
own works of righteousness.
The sin of Adam condemned unredeemed man to an eternal life of death and damnation. This is
true for the natural man and woman in our own personal lives. And, this also is true in our
married lives. A mere human wedding vow cannot redeem a marriage any more than a mere
human vow can redeem a soul. That is why the marriage covenant must be based on the
redemption covenant of God.
So let’s think for just a few moments about the covenant of redemption. As mentioned earlier,
Genesis 3:15 is the first embryonic statement of the redemption covenant of God. Listen carefully
to the words of this verse. The verse is both a curse and a promise.
The words are actually spoken to the serpent. God said: “I will put enmity between you and the
woman, and between your seed and her seed; it shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his
PSYC-220 Assignment 3.1a MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELING 7
heel” (Genesis 3:15). The “seed of woman” finds its ultimate fulfillment in Jesus Christ of
Nazareth. He “bruised the head” of Satan through the Cross and Resurrection.
This is the redemption covenant of God toward man. This is the only way that man can find love,
joy, and peace in his own soul. The Biblical marriage covenant is based upon the redemption
covenant. This is the only way that a marriage can find love, joy, and peace in the home. Only
through the covenant of God can mankind be redeemed. And only through the covenant of
marriage that is based on the covenant of God, can human marriage be redeemed.
So the wedding vow must be much more than a man and a woman pledging themselves to one
another. A true Biblical marriage must be a covenant between man, woman, and God. Biblical
marriage covenants to be as faithful as the redemption covenant of God himself.
But exactly what is meant by the word “covenant?” The Hebrew word for covenant literally
means “to cut.” The name originates from the vivid manner in which a covenant was established.
In Genesis 15:4-21, the “cutting of the covenant” between God and Abraham is graphically
described. God gave specific instructions to Abraham. He told him to take a heifer, a goat, and a
ram, and to “cut” each of the animals into two separate pieces. Verse 17 says that a burning lamp
from God then “passed between those pieces.”
This passing of the burning lamp between the two pieces of each animal, vividly testified that the
life of each animal had been sacrificed. The bodies had been literally cut asunder. Earthly blood
no longer flowed with life. New life came solely from the burning lamp of God himself.
Here’s the meaning of the story. The sacrificed animals signified that the past life of Abram was
now over. His old life was finished. His old life was cut asunder. Now was the time of a new
beginning. Now he would be different. God established the covenant promise and Abraham
believed.
But this story of Abraham was much more than just a historical story of a patriarch. That story
was a picture of the sacrifice of the cross. In a similar manner, the covenant of God was “cut” at
Calvary. The hands and feet of Jesus were pierced by nails. His side was pierced by a sword. God
walked between. Earthly life ended. Eternal life began. The New Testament in His blood was
established.
So this is what is meant when we say a biblical marriage covenant must be based on the covenant
of redemption. In order to be a marriage of Paradise, the covenant of marriage must be designed
by God. Both the man and woman must lay down their lives in the presence of God.
 Their earthly bodies must be presented as “living sacrifices.”
 God himself must walk between with the eternal brightness of His light.
 The old life must be cut asunder.
 The alone-life of the past is over.
 New “twain-life of oneness” begins.
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In this manner, a marriage covenant is established which is based on the covenant of redemption
and which will last, “until death do us part.”
The two lives are now put together in a mysterious unity of differentiated oneness. This was
intended by God from the Garden of Eden. The covenant vows—”I will” and “I do”—are sealed
by the blood of the sacrifice of the Cross.
This is the only type of a true Biblical marriage covenant that is available today. A Biblical
marriage covenant is a covenant that is sealed by redemption. This is the only marriage covenant
that can fulfill what Jesus meant when He defined marriage as having its origin in “the
beginning.” This is the marriage of Paradise. Through redemption, the marriage covenant enables
married couples to enjoy once again the joys of an earthly relationship patterned after divinity.
But in order for a marriage covenant to be like the covenant of Paradise, there is another very
important requirement which must be remembered.
2. True Biblical marriage is a covenant of threefold love.
In contemplating marriage, every couple should ponder the question: “Why did God covenant to
redeem man from the curse of sin?”
No verse in Scripture better explains this awesome question than John 3:16. “For God so loved
the world, that he gave his only begotten Son.” The answer to the question “Why?” is love.
Some skeptics argue that the story of Adam and Even in Paradise is not really about love. After
all, the word “love” is never mentioned in the first 23 chapters of the Bible. But such skeptics
simply don’t know how to fit the truths of the Bible together.
In order to understand that first marriage, the reader must remember the simple truth that John
asserts in 1 John 4:16: “God is love.” God the Father is love. God the Son is love. God the Holy
Spirit is love. The very fact that God himself was present in creation assures the believer that
love was the special ingredient of the marriage in Eden.
Genesis 3:8 describes the presence of God in Eden. “And they heard the voice of the Lord God
walking in the garden in the cool of the day.” This is a rather mysterious verse. It’s hard for us to
understand God’s marvelous presence in a world that did not have any sin.
But we get some insight from the Hebrew word for “cool.” The Hebrew word is never translated
“cool” in any other verse of the Bible. It is actually the Hebrew word for “breath” or “Spirit.”
The word should be translated in Genesis 3:8 as it is usually translated throughout the Old
Testament. The literal reading of Genesis 3:8 is: “They heard the voice of the Lord God walking
in the Spirit of the day.”
The relationship of Adam and Eve was surrounded by the Spirit presence of God. Their love for
one another before sin was as pure as the love of the Spirit of God himself. Because of the loving
PSYC-220 Assignment 3.1a MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELING 9
relationship between Adam and Eve and God in Paradise, after they sinned, God covenanted to
redeem man through love.
Love must also be why a man and woman covenant to have a Biblical marriage. Their covenant
of marriage must not be patterned after the curse. It must go back to the loving relationship
before being cast out of Eden.
However, love is a word that is not easily understood by the Western mind-set. This is illustrated
by the many ways the word is used in the English language. People say:
 “I love my house”
 “I love my car”
 “I love my dog”
 “I love my wife”
 “I love my God”
 In every instance using the exact same word.
It is small wonder that men and women can say, “I love you,” and have a thousand different
interpretations of what they mean. That’s how the word “love” really is in the English language.
It is a word with “a thousand meanings.”
But the Greek language was not so. Three different words expressed the depth of human and
divine devotion—eros, phileo, and agape. These three words were used to express three different
types of love. So let’s examine these three words. They give great insight into the meaning of
love in a Paradise marriage.
a. Eros is a receiving love like the pure love of a newborn child.
Eros is a natural and elementary type of love. Some call it a sensual love, and indeed the English
word “erotic” derives from it. Others see it as a selfish love. But eros should be seen as a
receiving love. It’s the natural love of a newborn baby.
It is in a sense “selfish”—because a baby at birth knows only about itself. Likewise, in a manner,
it can be called “sensual”—because a baby at birth knows only (or, at least primarily) through its
senses.
But the baby “receives” the deeper love of a parent in the earliest moments of its life. In a child,
eros is not erotic. It is the natural ability to receive affection. In an adult, pure eros love is the
love of romance—while adulterated eros love is the eroticism of fornication.
The sexually-explicit society of Western civilization has polluted eros into pornographic
obscenity. But its enduring quality of romance continues to be real. Eros continues to find root in
the hearts of dedicated young men and women.
 Through eros romance, a young man’s heart beats faster as he looks upon the beauty of
his girlfriend.
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 Through eros romance, a young girl’s eyes light up when she hears the sound of “his”
voice.
 But most important, through eros love, romance blooms into a mature phileo relationship.
b. Phileo is a sharing love like the natural love of a family.
Phileo is the root of the English word “filial” which is closely related to the word family. Phileo
is a natural “sharing” love. It is true that the infant at birth can only receive love. But if the
parents give to the baby the right type of sharing love, in only a matter of days that wonderful
bundle of life begins to respond.
The baby soon demonstrates its own phileo love by sharing:
 a smile of the lips,
 a twinkle in the eyes,
 a gurgling in the throat,
 or, a babbling of the mouth.
No marriage can survive simply on the romance of eros love. But a Paradise marriage must grow
beyond the romance of eros love. Paradise is much more than romance. A Paradise marriage
must move on to the responsibilities of the sharing of phileo love. In order to have a true
marriage of Paradise:
 The romance of the kiss must grow into the shared responsibility of the kitchen.
 The romance of the date must grow into the shared responsibility of the day.
 The romance of the evening must grow into the shared responsibility of the morning.
 The romance of the bed must grow into the shared responsibility of the baby.
But let it be clear—this concept of sharing love does not mean that Biblical marriage must lose
the romance of eros love. In other words, Phileo love does not eradicate the romance of eros
love. Rather, it assimilates and continues to build upon eros love.
In fact, to take the romance of eros out of marriage greatly distorts and reduces phileo love. They
are not contradictory one to the other. They are complimentary to one another. The eros romance
of the kiss, and the date, and the evening, and the bed; grows in Biblical marriage into the sharing
phileo love of the kitchen, and the day, and the morning, and the baby.
It must be acknowledged that many marriages are held together with the natural romance of eros
and the natural sharing of phileo love. This is the natural wonder of God’s creation of marriage.
However, marriage never reaches the paradise of “the beginning” without the covenant of agape
love. So now let’s look at the glory and wonder of this most God-like love.
c. Agape is a giving love like the love of God who gave His Son.
Without agape love, the marriage bond of eros and phileo love is still little more than a human
contract. It is a “fifty-fifty” proposition. You keep your half of the bargain and I’ll keep my half.
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As long as both parties hold up their side of the “bargain,” the marriage works. This is especially
true if the marriage is able to balance both eros and phileo love.
However, when crises or tragedies strike, an eros/phileo marriage is in immediate trouble. Mere
romance and sharing love prove to be extremely weak in the face of a debilitating illness, a
crippling accident, a lost job, an extramarital affair, an embarrassing bankruptcy, a terminal
disease, or, especially, the death of a child.
At such times, only the covenant strength of agape love can provide a Paradise in the midst of a
sin-cursed world.
But there is a truth about agape love which must be emphasized and which we must always
remember. Because of its God-like nature, only redeemed believers are able to love with agape
love. A non-believer does not have agape love. Agape love comes only from God.
Agape is a love that covenants for eternity: “I give myself to you”—no restrictions, no conditions,
no ifs, no returns.
 It was agape love that moved God to “give His only begotten Son.”
 Agape love drove Jesus to the cross.
 Agape love eternally sings, “God is love!”
 Agape love returns to the paradise of “the beginning.”
 Agape is the covenant love of all true Biblical marriages.
It is more than a contract. It is more than a fifty-fifty proposition. It is a covenant that says, “I
will”—without restriction, without conditions, and regardless of the circumstances. Agape love
carries a marriage through every crisis and tragedy. In the words of Paul, agape love “never fails”
(1 Corinthians 13:8).
Pure agape love enables redeemed humans once again to experience Paradise. They enjoy the
“Garden of Eden” in a covenant of marriage relationship as pure as the love of the Cross. This is
the Biblical marriage covenant that combines:
 the romance of the Song of Solomon,
 the shared communion of the gospel of Christ,
 and the covenant giving of the Cross of redemption.
This is the Biblical marriage covenant. This is the marriage that brings back the Paradise of Eden
into the homes of born again believers. This is the Paradise marriage:
 That weathers every storm of life,
 That crosses every river of trouble,
 That conquers every mountain of persecution,
 That forgives every transgression, and
 That conquers every enemy sent by Satan.
Biblical marriage is that part of Paradise that continues to be fully alive in the hearts and homes
of redeemed couples. A Paradise marriage is a covenant marriage of believers who know the pure
PSYC-220 Assignment 3.1a MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELING 12
romance of eros love, the committed sharing of phileo love, and the unconditional giving of
agape love.

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